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Super Bowl Sunday: Tampa's the place

By: Jack Fabian, Humor Columnist
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The trip to the Super Bowl was the most exciting event that happened to me since I was elected as senior class president three years in a row. We’ll get back to that in just a minute.

Modern technology is beginning to drive me crazy. Everything ‘beeps’! But the most recent application I just could not believe. I was blessed with four great grandchildren this past year, and they all came into this world with a ‘beep’ system and you’d better pay attention.

One ‘beep’ means they’re wet, two ‘beeps’ means put your mask on, three ‘beeps’ indicate a degree of emergency, that if not acted on, could ruin the carpet.

Now, not only do you have to change the diaper, but on occasion, you’ll have to change the batteries.

I have no idea where the batteries go but the number of openings is quite limited. Wait a year or two and there will be a solar panel designed to attach someplace.

Getting back to the Super Bowl.

We thought we’d splurge this year so it was either buy a new BMW or get two seats at the big event. The big event won out. My wife told me to be sure and get good seats, preferably right behind home plate. I let it pass, but I guess this means if we go to the World Series, we’d be on the 50- yard line.

We flew Treadwater Airlines, which made stops on the Colorado and Mississippi rivers. They provided snorkel gear for everyone on board. One item that bothered me was that they served peanuts and the steward’s name was Sal Monella.

Sitting to my left on the plane was a young woman; at least I think she was young. Most women are not as young as they are painted. She was from Canada and I don’t even know what street Canada is on.

She’d been married four times and she said a girl must marry for love and keep on marrying ‘til she finds it. Maybe number five will do it.

Well, we landed in Tampa Bay, rowed ashore and headed for the Wrinklesheet Hotel, where we promptly unpacked, rinsed the salt water off our snorkel gear and wrung out our clothes.

Up early the next morning, we were pretty excited because this was Super Bowl Sunday. We anxiously waited for the day to pass, and finally, it was time to head for the stadium. The place was packed.

Finally getting to our seats, and they were great seats, (right behind home plate), we settled in for the pre-game ceremonies.

Next was the coin flip and pretty soon they were lined up for the kickoff, and it was then I noticed the seat next to me was empty.

I couldn’t imagine there being an empty seat at such an event. I mentioned this to the guy sitting on the other side of the empty seat and he informed me that it was his wife’s seat but she had recently passed away. I expressed my sympathy and asked if he couldn’t have brought a relative or close friend with him. It was then he said they were all at the funeral.

Well, you certainly couldn’t expect him to give up another seat right behind home plate.

Jack Fabian is a Lincoln resident.