Old people are funny

By: Jack Fabian, Special to The News Messenger
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Thank goodness old people are funny. If there’s one thing we need in this crazy world we live in, it’s laughter and a sense of humor. Lincoln Hills is a retirement community so the majority of the people living there are packin’ on the years …. and they’re funny. A lot of my friends here in Lincoln are well into their 80s, some a lot further than they care to admit. But you can always learn from these guys. For example, I learned in the past year that I can park routinely in handicap zones as long as I remember to put my high school diploma on the dashboard of my car. If you would care to take advantage of this, you can check to see if your high school is on the list. On your computer, just pull up questionable/ and insert your high school’s name, that is, if you can remember it. One of the guys in our Tuesday morning coffee group has been retired for about 22 years. He lives by himself now because of what happened way back in the late ’80s when he was working for a large corporation. This big company sent him to Italy and France for a few weeks to meet with his counterparts in these countries. When he got home, arriving late in the evening, he opened the door and there stood his wife wrapped in Saran wrap. His choice of words at this point was not heart-warming as he commented, “For heaven’s sake, leftovers again.” His divorce was finalized six months later. Ah, the rewards of not thinking before you speak. Speaking of rewards, there’s a grocery store ad in our local paper every week that headlines “Earn gas rewards.” Makes you wonder which of their foods you shouldn’t eat. I’ll pass on any further comment on this. Weekly bocce ball brings out a lot of the funny in the older group. When you hear them talk, you really wonder how they stay married. Last week, one of these guys was discussing his spouse, mentioning the fact that she had a facial mudpack. He said she looked pretty good for about three days and then the mud fell off. Let’s hope she’s not reading this column. And finally, I must tell you about an old codger four houses down the street from me. His name is Judd and he just celebrated his 87th birthday. He has been widowed for about two years, and at times, feels quite lonely. The guys on the street thought we should do something special for him on his birthday so we all chipped in a few bucks and arranged for a lady of questionable character to go to his house on the evening of his birthday and really surprise him. That special night came, and when he opened his door, she very subtly said, “I’m here for super lovin’.” His immediate reply was, “I’ll take the soup.” Gosh, it’s awful to get old; funny but awful. Jack Fabian is a Lincoln resident.