With the holidays down, credit card balance is up

By: Jack Fabian, Special to The News Messenger
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Well, we made it through another holiday season. And all us older folks are saying in unison, “There’s nothing as beautiful as the taillights on the back of the car as the grandkids leave for home.” Those delightful little stinkers were out in my garage the other day going through everything when I yelled, “Don’t touch my junk!” My wife heard that and thought I was going through an airport security check. If you’ve traveled lately, you know what I’m talking about. What’s interesting is that they’ve discovered some physical maladies my doctor was not aware of. But that’s the last time I’m flying with Colonoscopy Airlines. By the way, their slogan is, “In the end, we’re the best.” That last flight I took was to Little Rock. We drove south a hundred miles or so to a little town called Hairlyce. When I first heard of this place, I didn’t know if it was a town or a disease. The word Cadillac in this place did not refer to an automobile. Cattle-ach was what the cows left in the pasture. We stayed in the Hotel Bedrest, the only hotel in town. It was $14 a night because we took the suite. I called down to the desk and told the guy, “I gotta leak in my sink.” He said, “You paid for the room. You do whatever you wanna do.” After two days, we headed back to the Little Rock airport, had our annual physical, got on the plane and headed home, where we found out our neighbor’s water broke. At 84, this would have been an amazing event. However, it was her refrigerator line that had burst. With a flooded house, she asked me what she should do. I told her to get some koi, add some color to the rooms. For 84 years old, she sure has one helluva left hook. For the next couple o’ weeks, we got into the usual stuff getting ready for Christmas. Then come the headlights as the grandkids are coming back! And Santa has the gall to say, “Ho, ho, ho.” Well, we need to close this holiday season with a bit of poetic insight so here we go: Well guys, it’s past again, our ladies’ season of unprecedented joy, The only way we could understand this would be to have been born a girl and not a boy. The economy of course most certainly benefited from all the hype, As our ladies bought just about everything, at least one of every type. The stores claim lowest prices ever and the stocks surely would not last, But even with 75 percent discounts, the prices were higher than in the past. Everything was such a bargain and, of course, there was “buy one, get one free”, But when you got home and figured it out, you actually paid for three. What started as a simple birth some 2,000 years ago, Has become a three-month annual monster to make the profits grow. I wonder what will happen if we’re ever judged on this, Maybe we’ll be made aware of what we’ve really missed. I’d better stop now before I get too serious. Jack Fabian is a Lincoln resident.