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Cents-less or Senseless

Humor Column
By: Jack Fabian, Special to The News Messenger
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Late in December, the financial wizards of Congress, after many hours of debate, issued an order to make a new penny. I’m surprised we even still have the penny; who needs it? Everything we buy costs at least $40 so what good is the penny? If we did away with the penny, we’d make no cents at all, which would make good sense. ‘Course, we’d have to coin a new phrase….”A nickel for your thoughts.” If you’re one of those people who think we should keep the penny in circulation, then you’re suffering from some kind of noncentsicle monetary centsitivity. Aren’t there more important issues that need the attention of our Congress? Are they worried about counterfeiters? Do you have any idea how much it costs to make the tooling for a new penny? This is pure noncents. The whole thing stinks and that’s a scent of a very different kind. Our unemployment rate is currently at 12.5 percent but we must have a new penny. How brilliant is that? Obviously, brilliance is not a factor in our elected officials. So many things don’t make any sense. Growing up, and all through our lives, we’re told time and again, “Do not drop the ball!” And then, every year, a couple million people travel from all over the country to New York City’s Times Square to do what? To watch them “drop the ball.” They stand there and watch this in 10-degree weather and get snowed on with 17 tons of confetti. Brilliance at work once again. You’re never too old to learn something stupid. Then the next day, I heard David Letterman say the city crews were out cleaning up all this confetti, being very careful not to remove the garbage with it. I’ve been to New York City a time or two and it sure can be an amazing place. One of the funniest things I’ve ever seen was a plumber’s truck with a sign on the side that said, “You don’t have to sleep with that drip tonight.” Then there was Frank n’ Ernie’s bicycle shop over in Brooklyn with a big sign outside that warned, “No Peddlers Allowed.” How crazy can you get? Jack Fabian is a Lincoln resident.