A bit problematic

Just in from Jeeves
By: Jeeves and Kathy Dorsey
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Jeeves has a problem.

And, when he has a problem, he usually consults the Downtown Dogs.

This time, he decided to contact the neighborhood dogs first.

Jeeves met with his friend, Molly.

She, like Jeeves, lives in Sun City.

“What’s the problem?” asked Molly.

Jeeves told Molly that he has been invited to be a “Celebrity Waiter” by Lighthouse Counseling & Family Resource Center for its May 19 annual fund-raising luncheon.

Molly asked “What’s a celebrity? And, what’s a waiter?” 

“That’s the problem!” said Jeeves “I don’t know anything about either.”

Molly was equally perplexed.

She said “My best guess is that a celebrity is someone who is celebrated.” 

“And, if that’s the case, it eliminates both you and me.”

“After all, neither you nor I are well-known like Lassie, Benji, Rin Tin Tin, Toto or Old Yeller.”

As to being a waiter, Molly also didn’t understand why anyone or any dog would want to sit around and wait, much less why such activity would be cause for celebration.

“As you know Jeeves, I am not in the habit of waiting for anyone or anything,” Molly said.

Jeeves left his meeting with Molly more confused than ever.

He called his friend, Nasha.

Like Jeeves, Nasha is a terrier but she’s a Scottish terrier rather than a Yorkshire terrier.

And, like Molly and Jeeves, Nasha lives in Sun City.

Nasha mulled over Jeeves problem.

After a few minutes in her best brogue, she said, “Nay, A’m sairy wee laddie, I canna give ye an answer.”

Jeeves now realized that, if he wanted answers, it was time to call for a Downtown Dogs meeting.

The dogs gathered around the fountain in Beermann Plaza.

Jeeves explained his problem to them.

“First of all,” said Luna “you should be honored to be invited to this luncheon.”

“Did they give you any more information?”

Jeeves circulated the flyer that is available on Lighthouse’s website,

After carefully reviewing the form, Thunder said, “Last year, most of the Celebrity Waiters were elected officials.”

The Downtown Dogs laughed.

“Why are you laughing?” asked Jeeves.

“That luncheon may be as close as any of those officials ever get to actually serving the public,” chuckled Mabel.

“After they are elected, some politicians often spend more time dining out on their victories rather than working on behalf of their constituents,” Mabel said.

"But,” remarked Lexi, “they’re good at raising money!”

Jeeves reminded the dogs that the luncheon was not designed to promote elected officials or help them raise money.

Instead, it was designed to raise awareness and much needed funds for the many important services that Lighthouse provides.

As such, Jeeves implored the dogs to give this event their serious attention.

“You’re right, Jeeves” Luna said. “It’s time for us to more fully assess the situation.”

The dogs wondered aloud why Jeeves was asked over other local celebrities.

Lexi said, “You write a bi-weekly column for The Lincoln News Messenger.”

But Jeeves wondered why Lighthouse didn’t ask one of the weekly and better-known columnists such as Jane Tahti.

“And what do you know about being a waiter, Jeeves?” asked Luna.

“Nothing,” said Jeeves. “That’s why I called this meeting.”

The dogs explained that waiting on tables meant taking plates of food from the kitchen and setting them down before each attendee.

And they explained that because attendees will buy tickets for the luncheon, they will expect good service.

“That means you can’t sneak food off plates, drool on them or spill anything!” Spike remarked.

As a food lover, Jeeves didn’t know if he could manage.

Luna asked, “How good are you at standing and walking on your hind legs while you carry a plate of food?”

“I’ve never done it” said Jeeves. 

“Perhaps I could take lessons from the servers at Beermann’s, Simple Pleasures or Buonarroti’s?”

The Downtown Dogs agreed that might be a good idea.

But then, Spike reminded Jeeves that, as a dog, even a celebrity dog, he is prohibited from going into restaurants.

“Unless this event is being held on a patio, you can’t attend,” Spike said.

“I forgot all about that issue,” lamented Jeeves. 

“As far as I know, the luncheon is being held indoors at Orchard Creek Lodge in Sun City Lincoln Hills.”

Sadly, both he and the Downtown Dogs agreed that Jeeves would be unable to participate in the Celebrity Waiter Luncheon.

“It’s a sad day for all of us,” said Luna. “I thought that at least one of could have done duty as a service dog.”

“But, let’s not despair,” she said. “Jeeves, you can continue to promote Lighthouse’s luncheon in your column.”

“Good idea!” exclaimed the other dogs in unison.

“And we can continue to spread the word to all the other dogs, including your neighborhood friends!”

“If we bark loud and often enough, we’ll get our owners to pay attention.”

“And, if we nip at their heels, they’re sure to buy tickets to the luncheon.”

Although disappointed by what the Downtown Dogs had told him, Jeeves’s problem was finally solved.

Alas, he knew that he wasn’t a celebrity and that he couldn’t be a waiter.

But he knew that he could help find sponsors, solicit donations and sell tickets to Lighthouse Counseling & Family Resource Center’s Annual Celebrity Waiter Luncheon on May 17.

For Jeeves, that’s a problem even he can solve.

Just In From Jeeves is by Jeeves and Kathy Dorsey. Their column appears twice a month. Jeeves is a Yorkshire terrier bred and born in Lincoln. He spends most of his time in downtown Lincoln around the fountain in Beermann Plaza. Kathy is a 12-year resident of Lincoln and a former downtown business owner. To contact Jeeves or Kathy,